An Audience with an Author … Lawrence Fisher, Kill Me Now!

Today I’m handing my blog over to author of ‘Kill Me Now!’ – Lawrence Fisher …

kill me now

My name is Lawrence, I am middle-aged and I was single! It sounds like an introduction line from an AA meeting, but it is true!

How did I manage to stay single until such a late age without getting married, you ask? Well, some of my friends told me that I am the luckiest dude living on this planet, but some say I am missing something.

Trying to evaluate potential mates, I have found out that the world of dating is a very cruel place. It does not matter whether you are male or female; you will get hurt, intentionally or unintentionally. It is a kind of battlefield between the two partners. You may believe that you are safe, being a beautiful girl, but then you discover that being so beautiful is an intimidating factor for people to approach you or you may find out that you are only being approached by people who you would not want to be anywhere near, such as yours truly.

So, we have all been hurt in one way or another. The important questions are what do we do with it, how do we handle it and what do we learn from it in order to improve? Do we break apart, shake it off, cry into our pillows for a short while and then move on? Or do we let the pain linger, eating us from within and then declare – that is it! No more dating for me!

Sometimes it may be a good idea to stop dating for a while until you get your confidence back. But then, how long is that while? A month or two or six? Does one need to postpone dating until after a nose job, a breast enhancement or only after a complete face replacement?

In my case, it took years! I had been hurt badly and I completely lost my self-esteem. I became terrified by the thought that I should pick up the phone and speak to a girl. I occasionally got phone numbers of girls from friends, and immediately started shaking in my boots; my body temperature increased, my heartbeat matched that of a racing opossum. Familiar story? A day goes by, another day goes by and the girl on the other end has probably forgotten that you were going to call her. And when you do phone, you start stuttering. This has happened to more guys than care to admit it. We often do not know what to say on the phone to a girl we talk to for the first time.

So what happened to me? Last year, my life changed as result of three separate events.

The first event was that my brother came to live near me with his family and for once I saw a real loving family. His wife and kids simply adore him. A real match made in heaven; a real role model for me. This is what I want!

The second event was that I met the girl of my dreams. Well, met is not the right word to describe it, since she was the one who found me via Facebook. In fact, she was looking for some other Lawrence and got me by mistake. When a beautiful girl asks me for friendship, how can I refuse? Would any normal male?

She caught me on Facebook chat and said, “Sorry you are not the Lawrence I am looking for.”

What does that mean? But, she said I looked nice, so we could be friends. While chatting away, we found that we had a lot in common. The same sense of humor! The same likes and dislikes! The same views on politics and religion! We found that we were finishing one another’s sentences. It seemed almost like a recent movie named “Trust”. She was twenty years younger than me and extremely clever.

Somewhere along the way, we developed feelings for one another, true feelings, and true love. She was an American temporarily staying near my area. We discussed everything! We even discussed marriage‑related issues such as my consent to sign a pre-nuptial agreement.

“Hon, what are you talking about? A pre-nuptial agreement?”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention I have money,” she said, casually. “Lots of money! Is that an issue for you?”

“Well, my dear, I have never cared about money. It is only YOU that I want.” How romantic am I?

“I am going to visit my parents in New York,” she said.

“Great, I would love to meet your parents!” I replied. “In fact, I would love to meet your whole family. When can I meet them?”

So, she was supposed to set up the meeting. She landed in New York and after a week with her parents, she told me that her plans had changed and she was not going to return. She was going to live with her parents on their massive estate.

Huh? Whoaaa, wait a minute, what about me?! And now for the big bang! She asked me whether I would agree to relocate and live with her in New York on her parent’s estate.

“Hold your horses, you are almost thirty years old, moved back in with your parents and now you ask your boyfriend to live with you and your parents?” I asked.

“Lawrence, I want YOU. You are the ONE,” she said. Well, I had never met anyone like her, so I agreed to make the move.

“I will drop everything, give up my life, my job, my home and come to you. When can I meet Mom and Dad?”

“Soon,” she said.

A few days later, her parents interfered. They gave her an ultimatum, either them or me! If she chose me over them, there would be no family contact! No home! No money! No job! No future!

“Lawrence, my love, I am sorry but I will be giving up too much to be with you. We are done!”

Who were these people? Have they met me? I actually had an image that after meeting me, dear Dad would have called me aside, like they do in the movies, and given me a check. I would have promptly torn it up.

“It is your daughter that I want more than anything. Money cannot buy me,” I would retort.

She told me that her parents agreed that we could be pen pals! Do I have a say? Are we kids? She said she had realized that choosing me over them would be a stupid mistake and that our relationship and dreams were now water under the bridge. OUCH!

When you get hit like that, everyone starts coming out of the woodwork with all kinds of clichés. You know, “There are many fish in the sea,” or “She could not have been the one for you,” or “You will meet someone.” I could not see the fishes swimming towards me.

Then the third event occurred. One of my best friends was killed in a senseless motorcycle accident. I was devastated. How do you handle such a loss? This wakeup call made me realize that I needed to take control of my life. Life is short and fragile. I need to decide what I want and then execute. I have no more years to lose.

After soul searching, I came out much stronger and ready for new challenges. I realized that what I was missing was a healthy loving relationship. I am ready! I am willing and able to boldly go where others have been before.

So, I started dating. I had to overcome my shyness and embarrassment and go out on dates. There were many crazy experiences! Why not keep a diary of these strange experiences? I sent the stories off to my friends and they enjoyed them. The stories became a dating log. If Captain Kirk, from Star Trek, can have a captain’s log, then so can I. I am pretty sure that the writer of Star Trek was with one of my dates, otherwise how would he have come up with the request, “Beam me up Scotty!”? Haven’t you ever wished to be beamed out of an awkward situation? Where the heck is Scotty when you need him most?

Ladies, who are reading this book, you are probably thinking, “Why would I go out on a date with you? You’ll add it to the book!” First of all, the book has already been written, so you are safe! Second, I do not write about all of my dates, only a select few. I am quite sure you have your own fair share of hair-raising stories you could tell me. The entire idea is to bring a smile to the reader’s face. Great mysteries will not be solved for you. Is Scotty the one responsible for beaming a sock out of every wash cycle of my washing machine? Does the wind whistle when nobody is around to hear? Is the ultimate answer really 42? Why is bra singular and panties plural? Is that light at the end of the tunnel the train?

Follow me in my journey through the sour underbelly of the often futile human ritual that is known as “dating”. Dating is Hell. However, I hope that after reading this book you will learn that you can turn a sad experience into a joyful one and use your own suffering to learn from your mistakes.

May the Lawrence be with you!

lawrence fisher

Available on Amazon HERE

Website for Lawrence and ‘Kill Me Now!’ HERE

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7 thoughts on “An Audience with an Author … Lawrence Fisher, Kill Me Now!

  1. Wonderful guest post Lawrence. Sounds like your experiences would make a fab movie too! Sorry it didn’t work out with your American destiny but guess that led you to where you are now 🙂

    • I totally enjoyed writing the book and found a talent. You can check out my excerpt. I love laughing.

    • Scotty can have one if my dates. LOL. But now I gave found someone and she will be in book three.

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